Friday, December 20, 2013
My sweet Lily, I'm holding you here in my arms listening to you breath so content in your sleep and you just made the most precious, happy gasp. You're in your little milk coma, which is one of the sweetest things. Our nights getting up together for midnight snacks are getting fewer and far between and I want you to know that as much as I love sleep, I will always hold those nights when it was just you and I up to watch the sunrise in my heart forever. I love you more with every passing day and every inch you grow on me, sweet thing. It is my honor to be your Mommy. Sleep peacefully, sweet one. One of these days you will be too excited about exploring all there is to love about this beautiful world, so rest your sleepy head. I can't wait to experience tomorrow with you.
My sweet Sadie, I'm up feeding your baby sister and memories of tiny you flood my mind. I cherish those sweet moments rocking you in our humble one bedroom apartment enjoying the Christmas lights on our tree lighting the whole room, you asleep and content in my arms and me wondering if you'd be happy this time being carefully laid in your pack n play at the foot of our bed. That seems like so long ago, but surely only yesterday. My love for you has exploded even more since that day, though I'm sure I couldn't imagine more love than what already flooded my heart. You are so full of energy and life, soaking in everything good there is to discover on this earth and inspiring me to do the same. Being your mom has been my honor and one of the greatest adventures of my life. I love you, my sweet and crazy Sadie girl.
I know that my iPhone has stolen a lot of precious time from me, but one thing that it has come in handy for is jotting down little notes when adorable Sadie moments happen and precious Lily habits start to form that I want to remember. As we all know too well, it flies by too fast. It seems like Sadie was a little baby just yesterday, but yet it is started to get blurry in my memory already! That scares me. I stress a lot about documenting everything and finding enough time to do so. It seems near impossible at this point in our lives. One thing that I've begun to do; when my heart is especially thankful and filled with the joy that only a mommy knows when she's overwhelmed with love for her kids, is write them a letter about how I'm feeling. It's handy to have the day that tooth poked through written down or the day they took that first step, but I know that words from my heart during these crazy, wonderful times will mean the most.
I truly enjoyed our road trip in the mini van today... the precious noise of our girls in the backseat, Joel's ears sticking up from the trunk, you angered at the window that is still broken, the noise from the wind making a conversation near impossible, your hand in mine, enjoying being together.
Five years ago today was the start of the best and most adventurous years of my life so far. I love Jimmy Adams so much more significantly than I ever knew was possible. I can see the love of God through the way that he loves me and our girls and my respect for him has only grown as I continue to see with each passing year his genuine desire to serve God and his family first. He has been such a rock for me during difficult times... he has always told me exactly what I needed to hear and though I didn't always receive it well, it's one of the qualities that has only made me admire him more. I love that you have more common sense than anyone I have ever met and that I like to make every decision based on how I feel... sometimes it drives us nuts, but it continues to amaze me to see the ways that God has shown his power through each of our strengths and weaknesses. Those funny things about you that I don't understand half the time are the things I value so much in you.
You watched as I went through my labor with Sadie that seemed like it woud never end. It was the hardest battle I have ever fought. You saw me push through by God's grace. You listened when I told you how significant that day was for me... not only had I been blessed with the best gift from God, but I had conquered my fear and felt so empowered. And though you may not have understood, you truly listened and when Sadie's second birthday rolled around, you remembered how significant that day was for me and brought me flowers calling it my "Mommyversary". That might have been the sweetest, most significant thing you could have ever done for me.
I love you during wonderful times, hard times, times of plenty, times of need, through good health, through sickness, through sleepless nights, through disappointments, through moments sent straight from heaven... I always want to experience all of it with you. There may not be such a thing as "the one", but I know for certain something even more exciting- that God brought you to specifically to me and for that I will be forever grateful.